Very Bad Archive
this morning
Laura M
So this is the situation:
Last night – apparently – someone snuck up behind me,
Wielding a dull butter knife.
They hung around, chatting me up, waiting for the right moment
And then!
When I wasn’t paying attention
With precise, surgical accuracy,
They cut a hole at the base of my skull.
1.5 inches in diameter,
Leaking blood and brains onto the carpet.
Why the hell didn’t anybody tell me?
As I stood there
Oblivious
They spooned out my insides
Teaspoon by teaspoon
Ancient Egyptian style.
Then they sandblasted my insides.
And filled me back in
With soap scum
And concrete sludge
And wiggly little tadpoles.
When I finally noticed it this morning,
I tried to address the problem
Via… puking in the toilet.
(There’s no way to put that delicately.)
But wouldn’t you fucking know it? The concrete has solidified.
Gahhhhh
Does anybody know a cure for a hangover?
Laura M has published since joining on 30/11/99. Read more of Laura's terrible poetry at the anthology. Here are three of Laura's latest works: