Very Bad Archive
The Suekeeper
Jamie Scott
1. Sue (Rosie) 145
In a land not far away
A woman called Sue spends every day
She built herself a fabulous home
The days passed by, she was content for a while
But the ideas in her head were dry as a bone
My God, she thought, a feeling most vile
"What do I like?" thought Sue to herself
"Animals!" she exclaimed in delight
Instantly all other projects were put on the shelf
She set about building a zoo at next morning light
2. Chorus 1564
A zoo quite huge with animals of all sizes
Rats, lions, lizards and tortoises
It's got an aquarium, an aviary and a lizard lounge
Sue's animal imagination knows no bounds
3. Fish (Robin) 1564 hammerclaw
The fishy fishy
Goes splishy splishy
The large pink freshwater salmon
Yells to his freshwater friends "Yeah man!"
They travel together, a merry bunch
Upstream struggle, purely on a hunch
That they will find the right places
Searching around with their freshwater faces
4. Seal (Rosie W) C,G walking bass
The seal, the seal
A graceful fatty
How does it feel...
To be a Nazi?
Deep down so cold
The evil seal grows old
Moves through life without a care
Except for the fear of the Polar Bear
5. Polar Bear (Freya) Cmaj7, Dm7 Em7 G7
The Polar Bear, a mighty beast
Rears its ugly head over its feast
A huge bloody seal
Provides its scrumptious meal
Bits of blubber scattered around
Blood stains the snowy ground
6. Warthog (Lily) Cmaj7 Dm7 Em7 G7
The greasy warthog sniffles about
Poking at things with his snuffly snout
Looking for grubs in the wet wet ground
Cute little waistcoat, hair all around
Silver cane, casting foes asunder
His snorts echo all around like thunder
7. Llama (Jamie) Adim D7 Am
Lloyd the llama
He's such a charmer
Despite his flubby lips
His awful, womanly, childbearing hips
His grubby, hairy face
And ridiculous lack of grace
He still has a way with the laydees
8. Ostrich (Cameron) fast 145
Can you run fast? Have you got arms?
If you're an ostrich: Yes you can and no you don't
No one can resist his wily charms
All wrapped up in his feathery coat
But seriously, don't be taken in, honest
He'll rape your face and steal your wallet
9. Chorus 1564
A zoo quite huge with animals of all sizes
Rats, lions, lizards and tortoises
It's got an aquarium, an aviary and a lizard lounge
Sue's animal imagination knows no bounds x2
Jamie Scott has published 2 more terrible poems since joining on 30/11/99. Read more of Jamie's terrible poetry at the anthology. Here are three of Jamie's latest works: