Very Bad Poetry

I was about to leave the house when I realised I hadn’t yet brushed my teeth. ‘Should I brush my teeth?’ I thought to myself. ‘Heaven knows when the last time I brushed my teeth was… Probably a day or two ago… I am late though.’ After pondering this for some time I decided I would brush my teeth as they needed a good clean. I’d got myself all in the mindset of it, and nothing could dissuade me. ‘Nothing can dissuade me now’ I thought. I picked up the toothpaste. It was at that moment that my pesky little mind man piped up and said something like: “Go on prove yourself wrong. You could just put the toothpaste down right now and leave.” Egging me on like a kid daring another to write a naughty word on the blackboard at school, “That’d just show you wouldn’t it” he said to the nice side of my mind “You thought nothing could dissuade him.”
“Now see hear.” my nice mind replied “I really think he ought to give his teeth at least a quick going over.”
They bickered away like them little angels and devils on the shoulders of cartoon characters when I was a boy.
“You never usually do this you two.” Said my neutral mind. “You never usually play up like this. There’s normally never any words in here at all let alone arguments. We think in notions, remember? Not pictures or words or anything else like some people. I think you’re just trying to be like your friend who’s always talking about frays like this happening inside his mind. You should be ashamed of yourselves.” He said in the tone of a teacher giving a lad a right good ticking off.
“We are not trying to be like him!” They lied in defensive unison.
Luckily for me, my trusty ol’ body had stopped listening to this ridiculous tosh, that had entirely pre-occupied my consciousness, ages ago, and had heaved a great (metaphorical) sigh, and set about brushing my teeth for me.
It was only after about six minutes that I realised I had been standing there, in front of the mirror, for a long time, that there was foamy toothpaste all down my front, and that I was now very late.

Jamie Scott has published 2 more terrible poems since joining on 30/11/99. Read more of Jamie's terrible poetry at the anthology. Here are three of Jamie's latest works: