Very Bad Archive
Sylvia-Inspired, Dog-Desired, Idiocy-Transpired
Nicholas Dehn
That’s when I noticed:
She had stuck her head
In the microwave and, alas,
Had perished amongst the crumbs and the
Cries. Where the macaroni and cheese, which
Comforts, cooks; my love has gone and
Has scathed my soul like an overheated dinner plate—
Steak and mashed potatoes, with green beans on the side;
I will never
Speak again—my mouth too full
Of mourning
Macaroni
And cheese, steak, and mashed potatoes—
With wallowing on the side. Woe is she
Who nuked and was nuked,
Woe is he—me—who witnessed that
Most tragic supper. The fires of Hell
May defrost the chicken; I do hope
My lamenting will make Hell freeze over—
For my love preferred the colder climates.
A freezer of justice, one may say.
But with a vast freezer, with plenty of storage space,
Comes an awful price to pay; my love has sailed away—
Like macaroni and cheese when the hungry dog
Has its day. Yes, yes, go on and devour
The lies and the hurt, you greedy canine!
As I bury her in a ditch
So close to the soon-freezing Hell—with her scarred
Face and bruised conscience forever useless.
I shall never eat again.
I shall never nuke again.
Alack, alack—enjoy your frosty new home, my dear.
May Satan have pity on you and your
Evil intentions. May he defrost your vile heart
with words of wisdom—just like the tattooed freak
You cheated on me with.
I hate you.
The end.
Nicholas Dehn has published 2 more terrible poems since joining on 30/11/99. Read more of Nicholas's terrible poetry at the anthology. Here are three of Nicholas's latest works: