Very Bad Archive
Straight Outta Chester
Matt Jasper
*a touching rap ode to Rochester, New Hampshire meant to be read over human beatboxing.
.
If she's really from there she'll call it Rawchestah
So you yell it back loud and you suggest her
I.Q. be divided by the number of teeth
Remaining in her mouth, if she's a side of beef
She moos
When you stick it in. Like a fork
Your own dork is committing the sin
Of animal husbandry. It's the topic
Of the finest state fair. The judges all pick
Your girl. She's the winner.
So what if you take her home for dinner.
When she's trembling on your fork
And you shove her down your throat
Just be glad your 4-H project wasn't a goat.
In this town
Of 29K. It's easy
To score a roll in the hay.
She's right there
With the black and white hair--
Object of reverence, answer to prayer.
She's pretty
And in the Lilac City
Pretty cows take vows, pretty men take pity.
So what if her ass is the size of an aircraft carrier--
You climb the ladder
And then you marry her.
Walking down the aisle of route sixteen,
Wondering why the world seems so saved and green
As you leave --
The inbreeding capital of the monster truck world--
Oyster of the Granite State surrounded by pearl.
Matt Jasper has published 2 more terrible poems since joining on 30/11/99. Read more of Matt's terrible poetry at the anthology. Here are three of Matt's latest works: