Very Bad Archive
Ode to Gary
eppo nimmus
Every morning I was woken by the sound of water in the pipe,
travelling in the wall behind my bed. Just in time (that's 5am)
to hear the "whoop!" as you had your cold shower.
I wished your name was Gary (that's short for 'garrulous'), but that didn't work.
So I kept a button in my pocket and fantasized that pressing it would make an ACME grand piano
fall from the sky on you, a la Wiley E Coyote.
And when THAT didn't work, I just turned out the lights and hid,
if I heard your tuneless whistle approaching.
Somehow life is different, without having your phallocentric poetry
('mutton dagger' rhymes with 'Mick Jagger'? - who knew?!) slipped under my front door.
Or your Tourette's-like compulsion to blurt out ten synonyms for the female
reproductive apparatus when one was sufficient.
Not that I saw many of those either, but the knowledge that you were on the other
side of the wall,probably listening didn't help, when I did.
These days I hang on another communal clothes line and daily give thanks for neighbors
without hearing, a firm grasp of English or ringworm.
Yep. things are looking up, Gary. Except whereever you went.
eppo nimmus has published 2 more terrible poems since joining on 30/11/99. Read more of eppo's terrible poetry at the anthology. Here are three of eppo's latest works: