Very Bad Poetry

there is a girl for whom i have a great love,
there is a girl who i rate no one above,
she is the light of my life,
my beautiful future wife,

jamie kozak,
rhymes with prozac,
that is all it rhymes with,
when i have dry times with,
no romance apparent,
i call her up my intentions transparent,

to woo my pretty kozak is all i desire,
i wish to be with her, to make love by the fire,
with her is how i want to spend my forever,
always to please her is my solemn endeavour,

i want to keep her warm when times is cold,
i want to be with her still when we grow old,
i will for eternity make her happy,
i will even put in effort when i have my own things to worry about, like for example when my balls are chappy,

but she tries to resist,
lying to herself she doesn't want me... i persist,
i know she will come to her senses,
i have thrown out all pretenses,

i love you jamie kozak,
i really do jamie kozak,
the only one that i need is you jamie kozak,
i don't even think about any one else,
who needs 'em? fuck 'em. i need you jamie kozak.

without you my hands don't know what to do,
without you i feel empty inside and long for you,
if not you then possibly who?
no one absolutely no one is as perfect as you.

there's great love in my heart,
which cannot be subdued,
life won't tear us apart,
when i'm with her i feel even better than just after i've pooed,

on top of this emotional love i feel,
there is a physical attraction... she is so nice to feel,
the lines of her body cast in perfection,
beautiful smooth curves give me an erection,

her long brown hair so soft to the touch,
she's so beautiful but doesn't boast... that much,
the most amazing creature to ever walk the earth ever,
the best smell i've smelt ever is her,

there is an inescapable electricity in between us,
when we talk about our life together she hopes marc hasn't seen us,
but i secretly hope he has,
that kid is a spaz,

please please pretty kozak will you be mine?
she responded: "er... well, alright fine,
but on one condition if you can perform,
you will have your chance to keep me warm."

what was it that finally clinched the deal?
why nothing but a simple meal,
thanks to this dish they will never divorce,
two great lovers bound by jamie's legendary pasta sauce,
oh of course,
totally,
the sauce.

Jamie Scott has published 2 more terrible poems since joining on 30/11/99. Read more of Jamie's terrible poetry at the anthology. Here are three of Jamie's latest works: