Very Bad Archive
In the eye of the beholder
Steve Turner
A sarcastic redo of Boner Etiquette by Jeffrey McDaniel who wrote:
"Please: be kind to boners. Nothing
ruins an evening quicker than catching
a glimpse of a demoralized boner
sobbing into his foreskin. Remember
the boner is always half full. Most
boners sleep upside down in caves,
ready to flutter into the world
at the drop of a bra strap. Boners
move in packs—rarely will you see one
wandering alone in a train station.
Look closer and you’ll usually find
a second boner bobbing nearby. But
it’s the lone boner, the Oswald boner,
you must watch out for. Whatever
you do, don’t challenge it. Don’t
stare it directly in the eye
"
In the eye of the beholder by Steve Turner:
My begging of forgiveness o’erwhelms me
But I ask you to reconsider your sarcasm
Verily I attempt to maintain presentness
Whilst faint images of insurrection
And incompetence, inadequacies surround me.
I caution you: do not judge that which is
Presumptuously found to be lacking.
I was only born this way. I did not have the
Genetic choice, the final proposition,
The way I was going to be formed.
It was happenstance, fate, a quirck of nature.
We, who are lacking, move in herds,
Disseminating secret thoughts about the universe,
I can’t tell you what those thoughts are
Because I don’t understand them myself.
Watch closely – there is another nearby
Who can’t answer the final question of inadequacy
We don’t know why we don’t measure up
To the universe’s expectations
We just don’t get laid.
Therefore we don’t pass on our genetic structure.
Steve Turner has published 2 more terrible poems since joining on 30/11/99. Read more of Steve's terrible poetry at the anthology. Here are three of Steve's latest works: