Very Bad Poetry

Got the home trepanning kit.
Can't seem to move well.
Stuff keeps sloshing out the hole in my head.
Think I may have lobotomized myself?
Cause I just smoked a jalapeno pepper.
Now I'm sloshing, high and hot.
I'm also convinced I'm a tree.
A cottonwood tree.

You think I'm not normal that I'm nuts.
Well, look right over your shoulder.
Everybody is looking at you.
You forgot didn't you Honey De.
Hey!! Everyone, Honey De is talking to a tree.
You know what they say about a tree?
We don't catch venereal disease.
Honey can I use you
bathroom I have to go pee.
You want to help me find my tree trunk?
Oh my raven haired beauty.
You are raven haired?
Sorta hard seeing through all these leaves.
You could give a lock of your hair.
And I could give you some leaves.
There's a rake right behind you.

Honey De, how do you know I'm not normal?
I mean normal for a tree.
Honey just don't include the rest of humanity.
None of them are trees a few shrubs maybe.
Do you think my hair is to long?
Should I get it cut?
Or just tie back so I see my face.
Shame on you Honey De.
You did it didn't you.
To late now they all know.
You forgot you were talking to a tree.
Poor baby kiss my bark you'll feel better.
Wanna fertilize me?

Honey De you think I'm being to melodramatic?
A parody, part of the cosmic joke?
Whatever, I haven't stopped laughing yet.
Honey my raven haired, wait a moment.
You do have hair right?
Anyway if you get any clues about life.
Keep it to yourself cause nobody will believe you.
Don't you remember?
Your talking to a tree.
rlh

note: This is for Honey De
for not getting mad at me
and letting me have fun.
Thanks Honey De.

Robert Hawkins has published 2 more terrible poems since joining on 30/11/99. Read more of Robert's terrible poetry at the anthology. Here are three of Robert's latest works: