Very Bad Archive
HOW TO BEWILDER A BUILDER
Jamie Scott
i met a girl called alice
shes full of humdrum scum.
has she got a builders bum?
no buts, no butts visible, shes decent down south.
no but a builders chin and a slanderous mouth,
how do you bewilder a builder?
well, alice did and it almost killed her,
head completely shaven clean,
practiced her snarl in the mirror to be mean,
made herself look like trash she did,
grew a most foul mustache she did,
walked to the sight, got in a fight,
cos the man driving the digger, she called him a nigger.
we always knew she was mean, racist, mad.
but i swear we never saw a case this bad.
after drinking a lot,
she got down to squat,
and popped out her slot,
woops she forgot!
alice has no phallus
pretend to be a man!
DAMN ALICE DAMN!
well the builders were certainly confused,
by the sounds of things they were not amused.
because seemingly hence, she was abused,
i saw her weeks later, still totally bruised,
she applied for compensation but was refused,
because the builders behavior was completely excused,
by the fact that her manly jaw she had misused,
yup. those builders were definitely bemused.
the horrible bruises she received,
were not because she had deceived,
those nasty builders, who acted out of malice,
towards poor, darling, harmless alice.
Jamie Scott has published 2 more terrible poems since joining on 30/11/99. Read more of Jamie's terrible poetry at the anthology. Here are three of Jamie's latest works: