Very Bad Archive
Asian Fail
Chi Zhang
Sucks to be you, doesn't it?
Corporal punishment for an A minus on a test.
Waterboarding for falling under the triple digits on your report card.
Seppuku for not destroying the class curve.
Yup.
It's Asian Fail.
There's an eccentric finesse to the Draconian parenting of Asian caregivers.
Dog eat dog society, so live up to it.
What?
You get 99 on linear algebra test?
One hundred lashes!
Smear your wounds with salt!
Bath yourself in vinegar!
Eat shit!
It's hard out here for a chink.
So much pressure, so much strife.
So little hope for an afterlife.
Only a 96 in AP English?
I not know you, Chun-Pow!
I not raise stupid son like you!
Why not get 100 like Ma-Chow?
You ignorant.
You not study enough.
Six hours a day not enough.
Up to ten! No sleep, no food until you get grade up!
You no get into Harvard or Yale at dis rate!
A sinister fall to the race of the jaundiced skin.
Perdition never felt so harsh.
Wa-Shoe, why u no get 103 in Biology? Why only 101? You slacker! MIT not want slacker!
Into the Iron Maiden you go!
Just be happy I not use Pear of Anguish, Lao-Sui!
No more slip ups, no more mistakes.
A race bred for perfection, to overrun the world.
A race small in stature, large in intellect.
A race of Asians.
Chi Zhang has published 2 more terrible poems since joining on 30/11/99. Read more of Chi's terrible poetry at the anthology. Here are three of Chi's latest works: