Very Bad Archive
Amputation
Steve Turner
My job is to refute stupidity in the world by responding with something more worthwhile. The first bu Adam Storch; my reply follows---
My Big Cock
Aaron Stortch
When I stop and gaze at my enormous boner
I realize that I, alone, am blessed by God
With the world's largest cock
It has urinated 3,451.095 gallons of urine
Ejaculated 10,329 times
I have fucked pussy, mouths, assholes,
Fake vaginas, sheep, betwix tits,
and a rubber love doll
I have jerked-off in public, in private,
And in a sperm bank for $65
I have spent untold hours removing
All my pubic hairs with tweezers, razors,
Electric trimmers, scissors, and fingernail clippers
I have spent almost my whole life pondering my cock
And when I die, I want to leave my cock to science
So it can continue to fuck sexy scientist girls
Amputation by Steve Turner
I walked down Nicollet Mall
With my penis swinging in the breeze
I was so proud, but kept stepping on
The glans penis
Out of the corner of my eye
I glimpsed an Amazon Nubian princess (I know)
Swinging a scimitar (I know) wildly about her head
And then she thrust it into my chest
She wasn’t satisfied
She screamed “you obnoxious prick
If I were to walk down the mall with my breasts on show
You would call me a freakin’ cheap chick”
“I am not a cheap chick you son of a sow
I have great breasts but you’re not going to see them now
If I had wanted to see your penis
I would have asked to see you piss”
Blood curdled in my eyes as fragments of flesh spurted
The scimitar, still lodged in my sternum
Quivered with every breath as I grasped it
And then, only then, did I lose my semen.
Steve Turner has published 2 more terrible poems since joining on 30/11/99. Read more of Steve's terrible poetry at the anthology. Here are three of Steve's latest works: