Very Bad Archive
Am I Supposed to Pretend
Amrita Gupta
I look at myself in the mirror
Am I not supposed to be fine?
All the time
Am I supposed to pretend I feel fine?
Look at me; I don’t know what’s wrong
Too fat, too ugly, too me
I’ll always just be horrible!
Am I supposed to pretend I look fine?
Listen to me; I don’t know what’s wrong
Hear myself think
Ugly thoughts
They hurt me as much as I think I do
Hurt me; it really feels good
If you won’t, I will
I need to know there’s still something there to hurt
Am I supposed to pretend I still feel anything?
Why am I gone?
Somehow I can’t feel like before
All I know is sadness
Am I supposed to pretend anything else exists?
I can’t help you
If I can’t help myself
And I can’t help myself
Because I’m beyond help
So why am I even here?
I’m not good enough
Not strong enough
Not good enough
I just want to help you
I don’t need myself for that
No one needs me for anything
Am I supposed to pretend anyone does?
Sometimes I like to pretend
I’m actually okay
That I’m just like anyone else
That I’m not damaged and gone
Amrita Gupta has published 2 more terrible poems since joining on 30/11/99. Read more of Amrita's terrible poetry at the anthology. Here are three of Amrita's latest works: